You’re calling me into the stillness
Into the calmness of Your presence
Help me to answer Your call

My heart longs to sit with You there
To rest by Your side, to hear Your voice
Speaking peace over my life

I’m drawn to the idea of being still
Of sitting in the quiet with You alone
Drinking from Your well of truth

For me, the stillness is never quiet
It is full of a million swirling thoughts
Fighting for my attention, response

My heart is aching for some relief
Seeking true rest in the stillness of You
Lord, why can’t I break free and just be?

It’s as though I’m not wired to be still
But Your hands did the intricate wiring
Surely You made a pathway for me

I “know” I can rest in Your hands
I believe You will hold me safe
But something is holding me back

It is almost a fear of being still
What will happen if I just be or if I fail
True stillness is unknown to me

Yet, You’re calling me deeper
So it must be safe, it must be good
Please guide me into the stillness of You

01.15.22

painted during my church’s worship night, in response to an invitation God has been pressing on my heart.

I turned the painting into a cookie and will be sharing a video of that process in the weeks to come :)

This poem was written in response to a painting I did while at my church’s worship night.
The painting is of an empty bench, illuminated by a street lamp. I am being called to sit on the bench, to sit there in the stillness with God. It is a beautiful invitation, but one that is so hard for me to accept; not because I don’t want to, but because I have spent so long avoiding stillness.

As I was working on my book the other day, recounting a purge that followed my being alone and still, I realized that for a long time, being still was dangerous for me. Being alone with my thoughts, inactive with nothing to distract my mind, was a recipe for a binge & purge. But now, now that I’ve gained victory over my bulimia, being alone and still with my thoughts is not a danger, it is the sigh and release that my soul has been craving for longer than I knew. It’s a new behavior for me, but I am starting to prefer that stillness over busy.

01.30.22