As I drove away that April day
So much of me wanted to stay
Right there with you, in your embrace
To feel our love, face to face

My heart knew it was a last goodbye
But I never thought death would be nigh
I believed our paths would cross again
Years might pass between now and then

I wept and ached for your hand to hold
But knew I was doing what I’d been told
To surrender you and our love to Him
So He could pull you from the dim

I know you fought, I know you tried
I could see truth you tried to hide
Calm like a duck above the water
But below the surface was your falter

No one to notice, you never let them in
Oh how I begged you to begin
But rather than open, you chose to flee
Wishing only to be real with me

Your friends didn’t know just how deep
Were all the hurts you chose to keep
Secretly battling armies of lies
You kept hidden behind disguise

I saw glimpses from far away
And spoke all the truth I knew to say
I prayed I could pour out more love
But had to honor the voice above

We both heard Him say “let go”
And saw what happened when we said “no”
The weight of command, I had to follow
I wish you had too, instead of wallow

He had bright plans for you and for me
We’d dreamt it be with you on one knee
Darling it was so hard to step away
But I knew what would happen if I stay

We’d drift from Him and lose ourselves
Our hearts to stale like dust on shelves
We’d fall apart from the inside out
We’d crash and burn without a doubt

I couldn't bear to be the one
To separate you from the Son
You held on tight to all the pain
Instead of surrendering to Him who was slain

The strength of my love never faded
You thought it had, and so became jaded
You chased and chased and chased distraction
You knew what to do, but couldn't take action

So you picked up your masks and put on a show
You knew how to act so no one would know
You were sinking deeper into your past
Darling, I wish you chose what would last

Seven months, I’ve laid you at His feet
And now that’s where we’ll one day meet
We’ve said that many times before
It was just supposed to be a metaphor

I hoped it’d be months, maybe years
But reality came of my biggest fears
Evil claimed you, body and breath
But heaven won victory over that death

Physically gone from this broken world
Three weeks before, in your arms I curled
You held me there as I started to cry
Beneath that beautiful bright blue sky

You held me close and kissed my head
My tears speaking so many words unsaid
You tucked my hair behind my ear
Our eyes met heavy with the goodbye near

“Six months,” we joked, we’d meet again
We parted ways, and believed it then
When revelation hit and I began to cry
I couldn’t tell you that was our last goodbye

Being with you was as natural as breathing
But God was preparing me for your leaving
I thought it would just be a separation
Of our lives and love and deep connection

We’d run the races set before us
One day those journeys we’d discuss
My heart is broken, for yours has ended
But I know to where you have ascended

Though grief comes in various waves
I’m resting in the Hand that saves
I know you’re walking with Him too
So in a way, I’m resting with you

Thank you for the love we shared
Deeper love than I’d ever dared
I know in time these wounds will heal
But this love for you, I’ll always feel

Gone from the world, but not my heart
I’ll do my best, not to stop at the start
I’ll chase the plans God has for me
My strength from Him, I know is key

Your absence is felt all around
Your voice and laugh, I miss that sound
But your presence, it is felt here too
In everything that reminds me of you

Thank you for loving my every quirk
Now reminders of you, oh how you’d smirk
Reflections always cause me to sigh
Oh, how I wish for one last goodbye.

05.11.22